With a Renewed Mind

As I shared with you on my about me page, one of the main reasons why I created this space is to express my thoughts and share my experiences. One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced over the last few years is my health. Being that I will talk a lot about health and wellness in my posts, it is important that you have an understanding of why this topic is so important to me.

Below I share my story about the circumstances that led to me living a more health conscious lifestyle.

November 2020 –

A few months after relocating to a new state with my family, I started experiencing some health issues. One day (out of the blue it seemed), I was eating dinner and as I swallowed the food, I felt a sharp, excrutiating pain in my chest. I figured that I probably did not chew my food properly and tried to forget about the pain I had just felt. I took another bite, and felt the same pain again, in the same area.

Needless to say, I did not finish dinner that night and thought to myself “I won’t eat anything for the rest of the night. I’m sure the pain will go away by tomorrow.” The next day came and it was time to eat. Afraid to take a bite, but desperate to find out if the pain had gone away, I ate a spoonful of that mornings breakfast. The pain was still there. I tried to eat foods of different texture that would be less likely to irritate the painful spot in my chest. The pain seemed to dull, but remained nonetheless.

For the next few weeks, I continued playing the guessing game until I couldn’t anymore. The pain had become too much and I finally went to the doctor. I learned that I had developed an ulcer in my esophagus. I felt completely lost during those next few days. Prior to finding out about the ulcer, I had never experienced health issues before and did not visit the doctors often apart from the routine visits. Now, I was spending more and more time in waiting rooms. Searching for answers to help me navigate the pain I was in. Everyday I woke up and prayed that the pain had disappeared over night. However, the ulcer did not completely heal for nearly two years.

To say I was miserable (especially in the early months) is an understatement. I became terrifed of eating and drinking because every bite and sip felt like I had swallowed nails. As someone who was once known in my family for LOVING food and eating a lot, I had shifted to having one maybe two small meals per day. Needless to say, I lost a lot of weight from lack of eating.. and in turn, my confidence was negatively affected. I could not recognize the person I saw in the mirror.

Slowly but surely, things started to look up. I started researching natural remedies after I did not find the answers I was looking for with my doctors. I was determined to heal. I became more mindful of the foods I was consuming (cut out hot sauce and spicy foods, which felt devastating as a Jamaican. Spicy food is very popular in our culture). I found ways to manage my stress and anxiety — three factors that are believed to contribute to the formation of some ulcers. I juiced raw cabbage and drank it 3 times daily. I learned that cabbage juice is profoundly healing for ulcers, and very smelly lol. Little by little, I started to heal and finally felt a sense of normalcy again.

May 2023 –

Around May 2023, I tested positive for COVID-19. When I first learned of the diagnosis, I had no clue that my body would be forever changed. To make a long story short, I continued testing positive for almost three months. The symptoms I experienced during that time were 100% digestive. I felt severely nauseous every single day and as a result, could not eat. I experienced weakness to the point that I could not get out of bed. At one point, ended up in the hospital one evening due to weakness and dehydration.

In hindsight, when I think about this experience, I truly believe that my life was reset. It was as though God had pushed a button and said “Wake up girl. You need to change your life.” lol I am not sure how else to explain it, but I do know that my body and life have not been the same since that experience.

First, I will talk about the good things that came from being sick for those three months. I became much more health conscious. You see, even though I had healed from the ulcer, I was not consistent with choosing healthier habits. Even after having the ulcer, I continued eating poorly, and did not think about the consequences. I rarely took vitamins, did not exercise, and felt deeply disconnected from my body. After getting sick this time, I dug even deeper into holistic healing, herbal medicine and teas, and learned more about the spiritual aspect of the foods we eat. To prevent myself from going crazy in qurantine, I joined some health and wellness Facebook groups, and learned so much from people going through similar (sometimes worse) health challenges.

Three months later, I finally tested negative. However, the damage from having the virus for so long was appearent. Remember how I mentioned feeling nauseas for the entire duration of being sick? Well, the nausea continued (daily) for about 5-7 more months. Even though I was not sick anymore, my body felt different. I slowly but surely started reintroducing solid foods into my diet. Then gradually, tried eating some of the meals I use to enjoy. But, something had changed.

January 2024 –

I started noticing that after eating certain foods, I’d experience symptoms such as nausea, stomach pain, headache, body aches, irritabilty, debilitating anxiety, fatigue, and brain fog to name a few. Being that I had become more in tune with my body, I experienced these symtpoms intensely.

With all of this, I learned that I was gluten intolerant. To put it simply, gluten intolerance is when you get sick after eating gluten-containing foods. Here is the truth, prior to this experience, I had NO clue what gluten was. At most, I thought I would only need to remove pasta and bread from my diet. I was honestly devastated when I learned that most foods sold in stores or restaurants contain gluten.

I did not want to accept the fact that I could not freely enjoy food the way I once had. For me, food has always been a source of comfort. When I was having a bad day, feeling lonely, I always turned to food to fill that void. So initially, I refused to accept that I could no longer turn to my main source of comfort.

In those early weeks and months, all I felt was anger and hopelessness. I felt like my body was turning against me and I had no clue how to make things better. So again, I joined more Facebook groups lol. Researched and learned more about transitioning to a gluten free lifestyle. And most importantly, I gave myself permission to grieve the life I once knew and accepted that things were going to be different.

If you have no choice but to live a gluten free lifestyle for health reasons, Celiacs Disease, gluten intolerance (especially if you received these diagnoses later in life) I want you to know that you are not alone. I know how incredibly isolating it feels to suddenly have to think about every single thing you put into your mouth before eating it, while it seems like no one else around you has to. How overwhelming it feels to read every word on food labels before purchasing an item.

Not being able to enjoy the food and pastries at parties and gatherings, and awkwardly explaining the reason why to people who ask why you aren’t eating. The lingering thought of, “Is this going to make me feel sick if I eat it?” Feeling frustrated when going to restaurants because in most places, the gluten free options are extremely limited. And even when there are gluten free options, you run the risk of experiencing cross contamination. People thinking you are overreacting or being dramatic about your symptoms because they cannot be seen with the naked eye. The list goes on.

Even though you may struggle with your health and may feel like quitting a lot of the time, things will get easier. You will find your flow, and you will adapt to these profound changes in your life. It is normal to feel frustrated or angry with your body because it doesn’t seem like it wants to cooperate with you. But please, be patient with it, and with yourself. You are not too much to deal with. You deserve support, love, grace, and compassion for the silent battle most don’t even know you are fighting. You will find your way.

This journey has not been easy and there are still days when I struggle (A LOT), but I rest in knowing that God can use all things to shape our story. We will win, and we will overcome, one day at a time.

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And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28